Review: Dungeons and Dragons 4th Edition (RPG)

So, a friend let me have a look at his advance copy of Dungeons and Dragons Fourth Edition, and I'm reading through the core books. Here are my thoughts on them, in real time.

Book One: The Player's Guide
Part the First: Character Generation

1. By default, Attributes are no longer generated randomly. Random generation remains an option, but the default is assigning each attribute one number in a spread between 10 and 16 (with the number 15 being conspicuously absent). (A third option allows for a slightly more complicated point-buy system, where all the attributes start at 10 (save for one which starts at 8), and each point you buy increases the cost for the next point in that attribute, a la White Wolf.)

2. Alignments have been overhauled, to the point where even choosing an alignment at all is optional. This is long overdue. "Chaotic Good" and "Lawful Evil" have been replaced with simply "Good" and "Evil", while "Lawful Good" and "Chaotic Evil" seem to be specializations of the other two. While it might be a little confusing, and a little asymmetrical (sorry, Planescape!), Lawful Evil especially (and to some extent Chaotic Good) always seemed to exist just to balance out the cosmology. Also, neutral alignments (Neutral good, neutral evil, and lawful, true, and chaotic neutral) are gone and done.

3. There is still going to be a heck of a lot of math in this game; that's not necessarily a bad thing, it's just an observation. The main part of the game strategy is still going to be working out the special-case rule exceptions that your character's powers grant you. That's what ends up making the game line collectible, and it's what eventually turned me off to D&D 3.5e -- because it means a lot of rule-exception hunting, and a deep familiarity with the exceptions available; for which I don't really have time or patience. Whatever improvements the new edition has, (and so far I'm liking all the changes I've seen), the handling of the fiddly bits and exceptions will make or break this system for me.

4. Gaining hit points at character advancement is no longer random, either. Not that anyone really used the random rules from the previous editions of the game anyway.

5. PHB characters now go to level 30 instead of 20. This is basically making the amp go to eleven.

6. Retraining means that if you don't like something you chose for your character previously (a feat or a power or whatever) you can retrain and change one feat or power per character advancement. This is good: it means you don't need to plan your character's future quite so carefully and in detail as in previous editions, where I always seemed to know what I thought was cool *now*, but maybe didn't know what prerequisites I would need to get the cool stuff I wanted *later*.

7. There are a lot of fiddly bit-type stuff listed here that I don't understand yet: Paragon and Epic destinies? What's the difference between a Power and a Feat? Hopefully these are all differentiations to make it easier to keep track of things, and not extra stuff that I'm going to have to keep track of in addition to all the stuff in 3e.

8. Oh wow. Those class-specific character advancement tables are out, replaced by a single universal table. Heck yes. Simplify, simplify!

Next: Impressions of Character Races

Video Game Review: Sherlock Holmes - The Awakened

Peanut butter and Chocolate. Two great tastes that go well together? That is essentially the question asked by this recent computer game, which mashes up the works of Arthur Conan Doyle and H. P. Lovecraft; combining the mythos of Sherlock Holmes with that of Cthulhu.

This is not the first time such a mixture has been attempted. There is an anthology entitled "Shadows over Baker Street" that was based on the same premise. From the reviews, the book is a rather mixed bag, which seldom scares the reade, nor delights them with clever reasonings and deductions. A pity.

The Awakened is also a mixed bag, as have been most Cthulhu-based video games,(for example, Call of Cthulhu: The Dark Corners of the Earth, which, despite what the title might seem to imply, did *not* try to combine Lovecraft with Patrick O'Brien.) Certainly, the graphics were not as polished as Dark Corners; but where that game's protagonist lacked any personality, this game has the familiar duo of Holmes and Watson. And what is the point of the horror genre if it is not the invasion of the familiar by something dreadful?

The other flaw of Dark Corners, I felt, was that it was based on one of Lovecraft's most famous stories ("The Shadow Over Innsmouth"). I already knew all the paces of the game beforehand. The Awakened is an original story, (albeit with certain necessary resemblances to "The Call of Cthulhu").

Does this make The Awakened a great game? No. Granted, the storyline itself was all right, and had some fairly creepy moments (my favorite is fairly early in the game, when you come across your first human sacrifice. You're in a dim and musty basement, and your lantern only shines so far into the gloom, and walking forward the scene emerges from the darkness: a tentacled stone idol, a blood-stained altar, and a corpse left in a bad way. The game is afoot!). But these aren't enough to save it for anyone who is not either a Sherlock Holmes fan, a Cthulhu-mythos fan, or both.

The game was released in 2007, but the graphics look as though they're from 2003. The camera work in the cinematics is all of that slow, meaningless panning and zooming that CGI is fond of, which causes unnatural pauses in the dialog as we wait for the shot to end(see early Veggie Tales videos if you're not sure what I mean). The character movements are stiff and stilted, although admittedly that may have something to do with the fact that the game takes place in England. Furthermore, there are *dozens* of clipping problems throughout the game and even (most damnably) in the cinematics! Sometimes, this can be creepy. Strange green lights hover in the corners of some of the buildings. Holmes, threatening a hoodlum with a sword in a cinematic near the end of the game, actually passes the blade through the man's head two or three times. Is the man a ghost? No, just a clipping problem.

The game is essentially an Inventory Puzzle game, which means that you go around picking things up and then finding places to use them later: this is not a genre that has seen a fresh use since before the turn of the century, and the Awakened does not revolutionize the mechanics whatsoever. This leads to some frustrating times; for example, at one point in the game you must fill a bucket with water to put out some flames. Unfortunately, despite the fact that you are right next to the ocean, and also near several pools of water, the game wants you to fill the bucket with the water in a specific barrel, which you have to find. No other water will do, apparently.

There are other problems with the game's implementation of its central mechanic: many of the puzzles, even if you have all of the ingredients in your inventory, the game will simply not allow you to solve if you are trying to solve them out of the order it desires. For example, in the New Orleans section of the game, going out into the swamp results in Holmes and Watson being attacked by thousands of mosquitoes. They retreat. On a piece of paper somewhere you find that lemon juice is a good deterrent for mosquitoes. So then, when I found a lemon tree sitting on a nearby balcony, it seemed reasonable enough to assume that I could just pick the lemons and head out into the swamp. But, no. The game won't let me pick the lemons until later on -- Holmes gives me some line about "I have no use for that now." Despite the fact that we were just down in the swamp, getting eaten alive by mosquitoes. In several parts of the game I ended up having to use an online walkthrough just because *I* knew how to solve a puzzle, but I didn't know what hoops the *game* wanted me to jump through before it would let me beat it. (Another example: one of the inmates at an asylum you visit keeps talking about how they've taken away her "Matilda". Seeing a doll on a table in another room, it seemed elementary to me that the doll was Matilda, so I tried to pick up the doll and take it to the woman. Alas! The game would not let me until I had spoken to several other people, and accomplished several other unrelated tasks.)

That is, of course, another problem with the game. Sherlock Holmes is not, and never has been, MacGuyver; but from the way the game has you constantly jury-rigging solutions to your problems using everyday household items, you'd think he was. The game is rarely a whodunnit, and mostly a "combine this thigh bone with that strip of sail and the alcohol from the bootlegger's still to make a rudimentary torch. Now how can I make some fire?" ordeal. Inventory Puzzle games are notorious for this sort of thing, and Sherlock Holmes: The Awakened falls into the same rut for...well, for most of the game.

All of this I pretty much expected when I got the game in the first place. Quite obviously, I did not acquire the game for its mechanics, but for its novelty and subject matter. I don't expect anyone who is not a fanboy of either Lovecraft or Doyle to either play or, doing so, to enjoy Sherlock Holmes: The Awakened. My friend Sam will admit to enduring countless hours of terrible game play in the name of Star Trek, and so I myself must admit that the appeal of this game probably extends to no one else but me (in my group of friends). Still, like me, you're probably happy just knowing that such a game exists. To stay happy, I'd recommend the rest of you avoid playing it.

Bottom Line: **1/2

Speaking of Alice Cooper and Things Marilyn Manson Wouldn't Do...

Part One:


Part Two:


Part Three:

So, my siblings are visiting me for the weekend, and they report the following: You know those little machines that flatten pennies and imprint some little design (usually connected to the theme of the establishment) on them? Like, for example, we went to the Shedd Aquarium on Thursday, and we got a flattened penny with a fish on it.

Well, apparently on their way up to visit me, my younger siblings stopped off at the Abraham Lincoln museum, where they had the dubious honor and pleasure of paying 51 cents to get a penny imprinted with a picture of Abraham Lincoln.

Poor Alice Cooper

So, for purposes inexplicable, I happened by chance to go into a local pharmacy/convenience store the other day for some reason or another. We'll call the store...ummmm...CVS. Yeah. So, while I was there, the music was generally a directionless potpourri of songs from bygone eras, stretching from the 40s and 50s bubblegum music to synthed 80s pop, with some crossover country hits like "Heard it in a Love Song" mixed in. (I was there for a while, mind -- CVS sure takes its time filling prescriptions).

But one song jumped out at me. This was "School's Out for the Summer" by Mr. Alice Cooper. And suddenly, something in my heart just broke for poor Alice. I mean, here he is, the veritable Marilyn Manson of his generation, and what's he been reduced to? Background music in a CVS. I mean, what's this mean for the future, when the satanic of yesteryear becomes the elevator music of today?

Correct me if I'm wrong on this, oh ye few readers who were around when Mr. Cooper was still shocking. Was he relatively as notorious as Manson was in his heyday? Should I expect to hear "The Beautiful People" or "I don't like the drugs (but the drugs like me)" in the Wal-VS of the future?

No doubt it will be directly followed by "Down on Main Street". By Mr. Bob Seger.

Disillusionment and Disappointment.

Yesterday, April 9 of 2008, Wikipedia finally revealed to me the awful truth about the universe.

Apparently, there is a show called Torchwood, and another show called Deadwood. These are two different shows with no connection to each other aside from the deceptive "wood" that both shows have at the end of their titles.

There is, in other words, no western-themed spin-off of Dr. Who. Only a western (Deadwood), and an unrelated Dr. Who spin-off (Torchwood).

I go on with my life a little sadder, but a little wiser.

How Many CDs I've Bought This Year

So, since the music industry's attacks on its customers began, and since they've made it more and more difficult to download music on the internet, that probably means I've bought a lot more of their CDs recently, right?

Well, except for no. I haven't bought any CDs this year. And I'll tell you why.

I haven't been able to "borrow" as many "cds" from my close "friend" this year. So I haven't been able to find music that I care about nearly so much. Back in the day, when I was borrowing cds left and right? I was also *buying* cds left and right, more than I ever had before, and more than I have since. If the RIAA wants my money? They should give me back my AudioGalaxy (or rather, return the manhood they so callously neutered from it). Or at least give me back my Demonoid.

Of course, I was never really one to buy the latest Back Street Boys or the new Eminem or whatever is that people who listen to the radio are forced to listen to nowadays. So probably the RIAA doesn't care about my money. Which is fine. Because they won't be getting it. So there.

Addendum: I actually remembered that I did indeed buy one album this year: at Christmas, I got an itunes gift certificate, and bought an album by the Warsaw Village Band. I don't know whether or not the RIAA made any money from the purchase, but I rather hope not. Also. Care to guess how I found out about the Warsaw Village Band?